American Missive

LONG BEACH— The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim closed out a chapter in their book today. Taunted by the devil for their entire existence, the Angels had never been able to get past those dirty Red Sox in the post season. But in 2009, the good guys won and the bad guys went home

Boston fans like to brag. It’s part of the inept nature of total depravity in which they wallow. Constant chatter about consecutive sellouts is a common refrain. I used to cheer for the Red Sox, back before the bandwagon became packed with barbaric bumbletards. I found it enjoyable to watch the Red Sox squeak into the post season and then lose in epic fashion. Much like watching the Cubs of the National League.

But something changed along the way. Chemists found a way to artificially boost the production of the Red Sox Nation, and the curse was lifted through the efforts of cheating. The bandwagon grew to large numbers. The sellout crowds left a trail back to the first World Series in eighty plus years for Boston. With the needle the Red Sox nation expanded as rapidly as the muscles and the inflated stats of their juiced up sluggers. Wannabes latched onto the hype and euphoria and the lovable losers that had followed the team for decades welcomed the pests as an omen of lasting success.

The Angels always had a hard time getting around the Red Sox. But this year was different. With authority the Angles squashed the Beantown Bats sweeping them out of the post season in the first round. And for all those who love America, love baseball, and love life, happiness has been restored as the spawns of satan have been crushed under foot by Angels.